Felt a twinge of sadness that this will be our last first Christmas. As always there were two celebrations, both were wonderful and exhausting. Both involved family we haven't seen for far too long, and both served as a reminder of just how very blessed we are.
We celebrated with almost 70 people this Christmas. I think that one of the things I am most grateful for in life is that no matter what, my girls will always have family surrounding them. They will always be loved, and they will never be alone in this world.
This year saw The Bean enjoying the first Christmas she will actually remember, one that Chickadee* will only ever know through photographs.
*The nickname Pumpkin, in honour of her Halloween due date, just didn't stick. Trying a few others on for size, the names we find ourselves calling her every day. This week 'Chickadee' seems to suit.
These chubby smiles are oh-so-rewarding and arrived just in time to preserve my sanity. Having two little ones is about what I expected so far: some days are gentle and peaceful and full of love; some days are wild, teary and full of shouting.
The Bean is still proving to be a doting big sister and is actually displaying a lot of patience* considering her beautiful baby sister needs to be held pretty much all the time during daylight hours. Mercifully, baby girl sleeps wonderfully at night, but the days can feel looooooong.
Cons:
I get pretty much nothing done, and I have had to lower my expectations about how tidy the house should be.
It's amazing just how tiring holding and feeding a baby all day can be.
Pros:
I pretty much don't feel like I have to do anything, and I have been able to lower my expectations about how tidy the house should be.
It's lovely cuddling a baby all day.
*'A lot of patience' in toddler terms means that she hasn't yet taken to drawing on walls, cutting her own hair, or breaking precious things to get my attention.
Lizards scuttled in the undergrowth, birds darted from tree to tree delighting in the offerings of the flowering natives, and I watched my excited daughter running along the winding paths amassing a collection of rocks and twigs...
I really should enjoy the Botanic Gardens more often (I've said that to myself each odd occasion that I have been there). It's another one of the local attractions that, being a local, I neglect to visit. Perhaps I should make it my mission to rediscover some local gems while I'm on maternity leave.
The days are passing in a wonderful haze of sleeping, feeding, and warm newborn cuddles. Everything seems a little slower this time around. Now that we know just how fast these early days will pass we are enjoying every quiet moment, every afternoon spent gazing at the babe sleeping in our arms or curled on our chests. We are less stressed about the little things, there is less learning to be done, and we hold a greater appreciation for the little quirks of a newborn baby. The funny, oh-so-funny faces, the squeaks and squawks, the ability to fall asleep in any position anytime, anywhere, occasionally gazing in wide-eyed wonder at the world around her in those brief moments when she is fully alert. The occasional what-some-would-call-wind-but-I-call-a-smile has shown evidence of two adorable dimples just waiting to be flashed when those 'smiles' become smiles.
In true 'Super Big Sister' fashion The Bean is insisting on going to sleep at night with a cape on…
With a tiny baby in the house, The Bean all of a sudden seems very grown up. Somehow we'd forgotten how tiny and helpless a newborn baby is, and now we see just how far our (big) baby girl has come.
She has been very kind and gentle with her baby sister, planting sweet little kisses on her head and softly stroking her hair at every opportunity.
It's a different story with mum and dad though—there is plenty of foot-stomping, exclamations of NO!, and general surliness in the air. Hopefully she will be back to her cheerful self in no time...
We got through it, which was always going to be the case. Some parts were just as I predicted. Some were unexpectedly beautiful and amazing and left me feeling empowered. Pumpkin is perfect, and our little family feels complete.
The first child: brought the most powerful love into my life for the first time.
The next one: brought the most powerful love into my life for the first time, again.
(scarymommy.com)
The first time around approaching labour and birth I was blessed with the luxury of blissful ignorance. I had an open mind, no points of reference, and low expectations to avoid disappointment. I had a simple, straightforward birth plan and I was prepared to take advice from doctors and midwives and do whatever it took to ensure that we all came out the other side as happy and healthy as possible. And we did. And it was fine. Of course there was a great fear of the unknown the first time around, but after some Calmbirth training I found myself approaching the birth of my first child with excitement and confidence outweighing anxiety and fear.
After the arrival of The Bean, my husband and I used to wonder what we did with our time pre-child. We fantasise that we used to read books, watch movies, and sleep in. We probably got things done around the house when we weren't sitting around counting our disposable income. I know for certain that I used to have more time to take photos (although this is an activity that I have finally managed to drag into my post-child life in the form of a business venture). I am probably healthier now that I no longer have the time or inclination to indulge in excessive partying on the weekends. As anyone who has had the opportunity to combine a hangover with the responsibility of caring for a small child can attest to, it's just not worth it.
My general anxiety thinking that something terrible is going to happen to The Bean is becoming overwhelming. Even on days where she is testing my patience (which due to my general exhaustion and short temper is most days at the moment) I can't bear to be away from her. I miss her even while she's sleeping and find myself checking on her throughout the night, something I haven't done for a very long time.
It appears that the 'terrible twos' may have arrived with a bang after experiencing a few epic tantrums from The Bean two days in a row. Up until now we have been able to reason with her (up to a point). When she starts to get upset or whiney we can usually calm her down and redirect her frustration before she completely loses her cool. Over the last two days we haven't been quick enough to fend off the screaming, crying, shouting, stomping and belligerence that was her reaction to some seemingly routine events.
It will be interesting to see how The Bean copes when her little sister enters the world. She is certainly daddy's little girl and I can imagine that she will be fiercely protective of that relationship.
I think her favourite time of day is bedtime on the nights that daddy is home to put her to bed. The stories, songs and strange little rituals they have created together (like the 'round the corner high five', or driving to bed on the computer chair) take far more time than I have the patience for, which of course is just one of the reasons that he is such a wonderful dad.
Happy Father's Day babe. Your girls love you x
My stress levels are currently through the roof, which is not an ideal way to be feeling with only eight weeks to go before Pumpkin arrives. A combination of general life stresses and some more specific stresses (and no doubt some raging hormones thrown in for good measure) has left me an emotional wreck. Crying at the drop of a hat, losing my temper quicker than you can say ‘calm down crazy pregnant lady!’ and an inability to get some proper rest has seen things become a little difficult in my household (mostly for my dear husband).
I can't quite remember when we first gave The Bean a dummy to sleep with, but it has been a fantastic tool and she has been a fantastic sleeper. When she was still small enough to sleep in my arms, popping a dummy in her mouth was her cue to sleep and she would snuggle up and drift off no matter where we were—cinema, café, friend’s house. Apart from giving it to her as a 'treat' on flights the dummy hasn't really left her bed and has been used exclusively for sleep.
One definite positive of our little photography business chugging along is that I am being forced to drive places that I wouldn’t usually drive. There are still certain roads and routes that I won’t travel, but I have recently driven to some places that were definitely out of my comfort zone. And guess what? I survived.
As I enter my third trimester (eeep!) my anxiety about what lies ahead is slowly but surely starting to build. Like the first time around, my anxiety is less about having a baby than having a baby—experiencing labour and birth once before has not really eased any fears and doubts that I had before (except that I am now absolutely certain that a hospital is where I want to be).
By the time I went into labour with The Bean I felt more excitement and confidence than fear and doubt. Right at this moment I feel I am lacking whatever it is I need to bring a new baby into the world with a mindset of strength and peace.
A sweet offering of a teeny-tiny flower from The Bean and some fascinating kangaroo poo...
The -5 degree start to the day was quickly forgotten as the sun appeared—yet another perfect Canberra winter's day. It's the blue skies that make it bearable.
Having my husband home on a Saturday during football season is a rare treat so we thought we had better spend the day doing some sort of fun family activity.
After giving The Bean a choice between birds or dinosaurs we headed to the National Dinosaur Museum. We have been a bit spoilt having already visited the Royal Tyrrell Museum in the badlands of Alberta so we weren’t expecting anything amazing, but it wasn’t too bad and it was definitely kid-friendly. Just not for our kid.
Halfway through the pregnancy and the day I had anxiously been waiting for arrived—boy or girl? I was surprisingly anxious considering I didn’t have a preference either way. I think the reason I was so apprehensive was because two kids will likely be enough for us, so finding out the gender of our baby was essentially the moment the make-up of our future family would be set in stone.
A little winter break at the coast was certainly a nice way to spend a long weekend. We're not really beachy-type people, but the coast is nice and close and a great spot to potter around and do nothing, except perhaps read a book, which I did—what a treat!
As our little business moves along - slowly - and as we feel inspired to come up with ideas to grow and expand what we do, I have allowed myself the occasional flutter of excitement in my belly at the possibilities. Can you imagine how wonderful it would be to make a living doing something you really love?
Around the time I started this blog a few things had happened in my life that I deemed significant. Very ordinary things by most people's standards, but life changing for me.
My anxiety levels had peaked and troughed for many years, with the most significant impact being on my driving. Driving became something that made me fearful and certain roads became no-go areas. Driving alone was virtually impossible. I asked people to drive me places and made excuses as to why, I inconvenienced myself with public transport, I chose work closer to home and I became very isolated. I think on some level I even put off having children because that would mean that I would actually have to drive places.
Doing exactly what I wanted to do on Mother's Day - having a picnic at the park on a glorious autumn day.
Now for a nap...
I'm trying really hard to enjoy this pregnancy - really hard - because I'm pretty sure that two kids will be enough for us. It makes sense - there's two of us, we each have two hands, we have room for two in our little home, we can fit two car seats in the car, you know, two just makes sense.
Lately when people have been congratulating me on our pregnancy, I have noticed a phenomenon amongst those who have more than two children.
This pregnancy has been tougher than my first. Tiredness was
my main complaint with number one, but this time around the nausea has been
unbearable and the pain in my pelvis has been excruciating at times. Thankfully
my appetite has now returned, but the ongoing aches and pains have left me
feeling frustrated, short tempered, anxious and emotional.
What a wonderful day The Bean had with her friends and family.
Happy Birthday my beautiful girl x
To celebrate The Bean’s second birthday (where has the time gone? Honestly!), we had a little family outing to the ultrasound clinic for my 12 week scan—yes, she is expecting a little brother or sister! After many months of trying, weeing on sticks and anxiously counting down the days, we are finally looking forward to a new addition.
A nice little trip to Tidbinbilla today for the annual 'extravaganza', although a little on the warm side again—looks like winter will definitely be the best time to visit. Tidbinbilla is so very close to home and usually, wonderfully, feels a world away, except on days like today where it seemed half the city had turned out for the festivities!
With my ‘baby’ girl turning two this month, I have cause to reflect on how quickly time has passed since I first saw those two lines on the stick – two little lines that were to change our lives forever.
A friend and I pushed the button today on what may turn out to be a very exciting adventure – our own photography business! We’re not giving up our day jobs just yet, but it sure would be nice to earn some pocket money doing something we love. At the very least we will be working our way towards our 10,000 hours.
I must admit my heart was pounding when we published our Facebook page. It’s nerve racking putting yourself and your passion out there for others to see (and criticise!).
Yesterday we shot some freebies for a friend of a friend, a young boy who keeps getting told that he should be a model. I have to say I agree!
Phew. 'Job' one down, what's next?
After a fleeting appearance from autumn, it looks like I'll be packing the beanies and ugg boots away for a few more weeks yet! Lovely...
We spent this evening in the glorious sunshine exploring the brand spanking new play equipment that has finally been unveiled. What fun!
The first day of autumn certainly arrived with a cold and blustery bang! A short walk in the park today provided lots of lovely photo opportunities and a few newly discovered locations.
The Bean and her dear little friend even managed to chatter and explore for a while before The Bean's complaints progressed to tears...
With my photo project for the week postponed, it was a last minute decision to throw a tutu on The (cranky) Bean, head to the park, and see what happened...
Our inaugural family holiday to beautiful Tasmania was a big week for The Bean. What a marvellous time she had with her little travelling companions—adorably, their names were the first words she uttered each morning when she woke*. She experimented with foods she wouldn’t normally eat at home and she got the chance to eat spaghetti bolognese with her hands at a restaurant. She met all sorts of critters and soon fell in love with Devils. She got her first (cheap and nasty) little camera so that she can imitate mama (can’t wait to see what little gems we get out of that purchase!) and she showed us in so many ways how she is no longer a baby and is in fact growing into a little person. A very strong-willed little person.
It was sunny, then it rained, then it cleared, then it rained again. It was humid and it was crowded. I was running backwards and forwards, sweating while trying to protect my camera from the rain, the multi-purpose stage was cluttered (and not particularly pretty) —a challenging shoot to say the least! Luckily the girls were pretty and the performance was amazing enough in itself that I ended up with a few dozen shots that the group loved…
It appears that the universe read my recent post and decided to step in and give me a swift kick up the rear to keep me moving forward. Thanks universe.
I spoke to my husband about my grand plan to waste plenty of time immersed in photography this year. Oh, how I have missed having the time to just mess about with a camera…
The last couple of months have seen our little family spending lazy evenings outdoors watching The Bean potter around, hosting many get-togethers with family and friends (a good time for it, because we can’t fit everyone inside our little home in the colder months), and generally loafing about complaining about the heat.
It has been a lovely break and because the weather has started to cool (for now, anyway) I find myself with more energy, itching to make some plans for the coming year.
When I received my new camera I was struck by the familiar urge to buy a new lens. I’ve been on a seemingly never-ending quest to find the ‘perfect’ everyday lens to add to my collection – a real challenge when I have a budget of $0. My wish list includes this lovely piece of machinery but until money starts growing on trees, on my wish list is where it will stay.
Imagine how pleased I was to read some glowing reviews about this little beauty, and a steal at just a couple of hundred dollars!
A few weeks ago a friend of mine experienced a devastating tragedy—the sudden and unexpected loss of her teenage son. It goes without saying that I cannot begin to comprehend the depth of her despair, nor can I fathom how she can even summon the energy to get out of bed every day.
While many around her have moved back into their daily routines, she and her family have embarked on a terrible journey of grief where they have no escape. Her children must be dressed and fed, the bills need to be paid, the chores need to be done—all the while knowing that she will never have any answers about why this happened, waking up each morning and remembering that her first born is gone.
My house has always been full of clutter—clean and generally tidy, but cluttered. Now that we have a toddler in the house, the clutter levels are at an all-time high. I didn’t realise exactly how many ‘things’ and exactly how much ‘stuff’ would accompany the arrival of The Bean. Not that I’m blaming her of course, I’ve always been a hoarder.
