Preschool orientation day. *sniff*

Happy Birthday Baby

Lulu Bean turned one a few weeks ago and I am staggered at how quickly this year has passed. It is with some sadness that I ponder the fact that I will never again have a baby in my belly or my newborn in my arms.

Memorably, she took her first steps on her birthday. Watching a baby learn to walk is the cutest thing I have EVER seen, and I wish this stage would last more than just a few weeks. She said her first word (which like her sister was 'cat') recently, and it looks like she is on track to wean herself around the same time her sister did.

She is definitely not a baby anymore, which I may or may not have shed a few tears about... She has been surprising us over the last month or so by demonstrating she understands and comprehends so much more than we give her credit for. She is largely silent, but is obviously quietly sitting back and taking it all in. She has a strong personality, with a stubborn streak to rival her sister's, and she is starting to display a great sense of humour. What a beautiful age this is. I'm desperately going to miss it.

Project 52 - October

My Four Hens Project 52

 

Week 40 - almost forgot!

Week 41 - I had about two minutes to snap this as the sun peeked through the trees on its way down...

Week 42 - I had been waiting all year for a topic that would suit this idea! Made an appearance in week 42's eye candy

Week 43 - The story is about a little girl who is late for school because she stopped to rescue a little bird

My new path

A few weeks ago I was readying myself to return to my job of seven years after my second stint of maternity leave. Now I find myself ‘unemployed’, having made the decision to listen to what the universe was trying to tell me - that it's time to focus on building a career as a photographer (or at the very least making a small living while I continue to learn my craft).

I’m finding it difficult to explain to people how it feels. It’s terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. I'm excited at the prospect of building the perfect work/life balance, being able to contribute to the household finances while being able to do the 'mundane' things I yearn for, like walking the girls to and from school. Taking them to and from activities. Cuddling them before an afternoon nap. Like having breakfast with my husband - maybe sometimes just the two of us - gotta love shift work! Just being there. It's like a dream come true.

I feel a sense of guilt at having this opportunity, because my husband works so hard to look after us. I feel like I am letting our team down and being selfish in following this path. When I dared to dream about identifying myself as a photographer, I used to get a little flutter of excitement in my belly. That flutter is now nervousness and a growing sense of responsibility.

I also feel a huge sense of relief that my future is no longer in someone else's hands. And I am savouring every precious moment with my amazing girls while they are so very young.

I can do this. I will do this. 

Project 52 - September

My Four Hens Project 52

Week 36 - an interesting local piece of public artwork, supposed to depict Bogong moths in flight...
Week 37 - I set myself a challenge to use harsh midday light for this one. Made an appearance in the selection of eye candy for this week
Week 38 - some vase detail, not so clear up close after all
Week 39 - my beautiful, heavily laden camellia bush, also made an appearance in eye candy

Growing up

My maternity leave is drawing to a close and the time has come to once again entrust our precious baby to the hands of a virtual stranger. The carer we found for Lulu Bean couldn’t be more ideal – a gentle, patient lady who loves babies, so much so that Lulu is one of four babies in her care (Four! At once!). Lulu hasn’t often had the pleasure of company her own age. A group of baby friends and some independence from mum, dad and big sister will soon see her realising her potential and blossoming into her own little personality.

In her short life, Lulu Bean has quietly observed everything around her with a huge smile on her face, seemingly content with everything, everywhere, all of the time. She is radiant.

Last week she enjoyed her first couple of days away from us. She was overjoyed to see us when we collected her and in her silent fashion, expressed her joy with huge smiles, and energetic slaps around our head and shoulders.

Today when I left her she pressed her face against the window and cried a desperately sad howl. She was fine a few minutes later, but my heart still broke a little, knowing that she was missing us. How I wish I never had to let her go...

Project 52 - August

My Four Hens Project 52

 

Week 32 - this image makes me a little sad!

Week 33 - some random poses from some backyard visitors

Week 34 - this beauty is as stunning in black and white as she is in colour

Week 35 - outgrowing her first pair of shoes *sniff*

Season's end

The outpouring of love and support from your family and friends as you bravely (and in your typical glamorous fashion) journeyed through your final weeks is a testament to the type of person you were and how very much you are loved. I am so much richer for having known you, and am lucky enough to have had the chance to tell you how you impacted my life.

You were one of the most extraordinary people that I could ever hope to know. I am devastated at the thought of going to your funeral. I have no doubt it will be a joyous celebration of an amazing and extraordinary life, but it is too soon. It's just too soon.

The world isn't quite as bright without you Pam.

A truly extraordinary woman, a mother and friend whose love knew no bounds, Pam, you taught me so much. 

That a mother's love is a force to be reckoned with.
 
That it is never too late to take a chance and change your path.

That when your heart is filled with love and joy and laughter, your life will be too.

xoxo

South bound

The anxiety has lessened so much I can't quite believe it. The impromptu road trip seemed to work wonders on my driving anxiety (although certain roads must still be avoided).

I was a little nervous about flying to Tasmania, so what better way to 'cure' me completely of my fear of flying than spending a day in an airport, hopping on and off planes but never actually going anywhere? 

We arrived at our destination over 12 hours after wheels up from our starting point. Particularly frustrating as a direct flight to Hobart would only take an hour and ten minutes... After a long day in an airport with two little ones, I had never been so keen to get on a plane and feel that familiar but once dreaded force of the plane leaving the tarmac. 

The delay was worth it of course, Hobart never disappoints. It was a real pleasure to explore the city on foot, and once again it felt like I was 'home'. Shed a happy tear here and there. Sunset and sunrise were spectacular. Why don't I live there again?

Our girls travel beautifully, but after three trips this year that involve flights (a stress in itself which requires us to be super organised) I am looking forward to being home for a while. This week we traveled to see the incredible musical production of The Lion King (our second time, first time for the little ones. The Bean was enthralled from start to finish, much more engaged thatn I had hoped) and suddenly car trips seem like a good thing to do! You don't have to carry every single little thing you may possibly need or think you need for an unknown time period of between one and fourteen hours, for a start...

*****

A beautiful baby boy made his dramatic entrance to the world, a longed for little brother for The Bean's bestie. Welcome little man, you are so loved xo

Project 52 - July

My Four Hens Project 52

  

Week 28 - Something tells me he is going to make me pay for this...

Week 29 - Any excuse to stop for 5 minutes and enjoy a cuppa!

Week 30 - This little guy is loud like a rock star

Week 31 - Mt Wellington towers over the city of Hobart, one of my favourite landscapes

Begin again

 

Sometimes all it takes is:
a wrong turn and sheer stubbornness to lead you down a new, (lonely, foggy) road;

a friend having their life turned upside down;

and an event that inspires you to live large;

to make you:
forget to remember that you are anxious;

be truly grateful for, well, anything and everything...

and to take a giant, uncoordinated, leap out of your comfort zone.  

*****

A wonderful, surprise trip to Tasmania is approaching - a long-ish weekend away with our girls, no itinerary, no hire car, 'forced' to explore my favourite city on foot...

I haven't freaked out when driving anywhere in the last few weeks. Surely that means I can get on a plane?

Life is good!

Project 52 - June

My Four Hens Project 52

Week 23 - This mobile has hovered above both of my babies. Their lives are passing in a blur. Made an appearance in week 23's eye candy
Week 24 - What fun this was!
Week 25 - A wrong turn resulted in a very long detour, but led me to this beautiful spot, almost completely hidden in the fog. Made an appearance in week 25's eye candy 
Week 26 - Shot through the car windscreen, this old bridge was an unexpected pleasure. Made an appearance in week 26's eye candy
Week 27 - A 'Frozen' obsessed toddler was beside herself at visiting the snow (surprisingly close to home!)

Sisters

Lulu Bean has all of a sudden realised that her big sister is someone to be adored. She wants to be wherever she is, doing whatever she's doing. What a gorgeous bond these girls have already. Makes my heart melt.

Dancing Bean

The Bean started Hip Hop classes a few months ago just after she turned three, and yes - it is as adorable as it sounds. Her dance school has a wonderful philosophy, a wonderful community, and as we discovered, their twice-yearly performances are pretty spectacular!

I was surprised at the emotion I felt when we signed her over into the care of the coaches and volunteers. It was my first time leaving her in the care of complete strangers. By the time it was her turn to perform, I was so anxious I actually shed a tear. Anxiety wasn't the only reason I cried - my heart was swelling with pride at how grown up my little girl had become all of a sudden. She was so confident, so fearless. She grew up more than just a little that night.

Busting a move at the big rehearsal

Another performance that night inspired me to sign up for a Hip Hop fitness class. Will I be brave enough to perform at the next show?

Project 52 - May

My Four Hens Project 52

Week 19 - Shapes have many faces, and I love that bubbles can have such sharp definition
Week 20 - Warm afternoon light, setting off the dandelion
Week 21 - The dark clouds rolled past, and the sun shone intermittently on the whirligig. I saw this through a window and almost tripped over myself running to capture it. Made an appearance in week 21's eye candy
Week 22 - The view doesn't get much prettier than that. Almost makes me want a window seat...

Light

Anyone who has spent more than a few minutes with this girl has asked essentially the same couple of questions: "Does she ever stop smiling?" and "Why is she so happy?" (we try not to take that second one as as a comment on our parenting ability...)

We used to think The Bean was an exceptionally happy child (as she still is), but she had nothing on this little ray of sunshine. The pure joy that radiates from Lulu Bean is a testament to the meaning of her name. 

From the moment she wakes until the moment she falls asleep, Lulu lights our days.

Project 52 - April

My Four Hens Project 52

Week 15 - White

Week 16 - Not the easiest selfie...

Week 17 - *sigh* As it turns out, this cake was doomed and did not survive the night... (darn cat!)

Week 18 - The fiery moods of autumn

Paradise

There came a fundamental attitude shift at some point in my journey as a recovering fearful flyer that saw me go from ‘getting worse’ to 'getting better' on every flight. 

It had been a long time between flights, due to the arrival of Lulu Bean, when we recently traveled to tropical far north Queensland for a dear friends wedding. The two legs on the way to our paradise getaway were not ideal - I disembarked feeling no calmer than when we left home. It was disappointing, but I didn't let the anxiety ruin my trip. Thankfully the two flights home were far less anxious. It helped that the girls were absolutely amazing on the flights. I must say I was a little disappointed that the other passengers didn't give us a round of applause... 

Port Douglas is definitely a stunningly beautiful part of the world, but it was a good reminder of why I love to holiday in Tasmania - I'm not built for that type of humidity!

Project 52 - March

My Four Hens Project 52

Week 10 - The feather on my doorstep was surely a sign
Week 11 - A beautiful Hindu temple full of patterns
Week 12 - My local park is full of noisy cockatoos
Week 13 - On this hazy day, beautiful Port Douglas felt like the end of the Earth
Week 14 - Tealights and angels

Indelible

Etched upon my skin forever more, they have been a part of me since before they were born. My greatest achievements, my loves.

Cradle of love

The wooden cradle is the focal point of the space where we live, as it has been since we brought our Lulu Bean home. She likes to stay close to us, so her daytime naps take place in the eye of the storm while the hustle and bustle of the household carries on around her.

The cradle is not just a place to plonk our clingy little one for a toilet break—to me it represents the space this infant occupies in our lives, the centre of our home and our universe. To me it represents the peace, warmth and softness of a newborn. It is so much more than a simple piece of furniture. It is love.

Lulu Bean is getting too big and mobile for the cradle. Her arms and legs sometimes poke out and she will soon have nowhere to shuffle on her back. Our little family is complete so the cradle's days are numbered. It's going to be incredibly hard to say goodbye, even though we couldn't ask for a better new home. There will be a void where it used to sit, both literally and symbolically. Saying goodbye to this piece of furniture means we are saying goodbye to ever having a newborn in the house again, and all the wonder and magic of getting to know them in those early, hazy days.

Project 52 - February

My Four Hens Project 52.

'Focused' made an appearance in the 'Eye Candy' collection for week seven.

Week 6 - a backyard pool is our little slice of paradise
Week 7 - it was hard work keeping that cachous focused. Made an appearance in week 7's eye candy
Week 8 - I often reflect on how bright and cheerful our dishes are
Week 9 - No colour. Blinding.

It must be love

Catching glimpses of our girls together often stops us in our tracks. We stand and gaze at The Bean interact with her sister so gently, so patiently. No matter what her mood, our toddler has never once raised her voice/been rough/tried to smother/poke/prod/feed/make over her baby sister. She has never directed any anger at her sister in response to "mama can't play right now because Lulu is hungry". When she's sleeping she wants her sister sleeping in her room at the same time 'to keep her safe' (we're not quite sure who's meant to be keeping who safe...). The Bean doesn't appear to resent having this new little person in the house that often requires her to "be quiet!" and "stop running!" Instead, when Lulu Bean cries, The Bean will sing and dance, strum her ukulele, or read her a story.

For her part, Lulu Bean is completely besotted with her big sister. She can't tear her eyes away from her. Her new found giggles come from deep in her belly when it's her sister who's eliciting them.

No doubt we have some 'interesting' times ahead as the parents of two girls, one who we already know is determined. Right now, we're just enjoying watching the formation of a beautiful bond.

Project 52 - January

I have decided to take part in a photo project this year and joined My4Hens Project 52. I set myself a personal sub-challenge to get through the whole year without using photos of my girls. As you can see it only took me four weeks to fail.

Week 1 - My business partner and I relaxed and reflected on 2013
Week 2 - oh, that ear that just won't stand up
Week 3 - longing to be outside in the searing heat on a 40 degree day
Week 4 - my girls, need I say more?
Week 5 - the noise that lulls us to sleep each night

Double up

It was with some horror I realised yesterday that I had forgotten to take family photos with Lulu Bean (that’s the name that seems to have stuck) at the same age as our family portraits with The Bean. How on earth did that happen??? I’m a whole four weeks late, but we got them done.

I’m trying to strike a balance between replicating photos (or as close to replication as possible), and creating a whole new visual story for my youngest. I know that one day the girls will love to look back and see themselves in the same pose at the same age (and it will help us ensure that we don't forget to take photos of number two...)

Four weeks

Eight and twelve weeks respectively

Resolution

Our little business is blossoming into something that is enjoyable and fulfilling. My confidence has grown, my skills have improved, and it looks like we really could make a (small) living doing what we love. So why is it that yesterday I found myself telling a friend that I am still scared to entertain the idea of becoming a full-time photographer because it seems too good to be true?

Now is as good a time as any to come up with some ‘parenting resolutions’ and first on the list is to be a better role model, and teach my girls that they can spend their life doing something that they love.

This week the little one is known as Chica