Oopsy Daisy

Sunday was a gorgeous day to spend at home with The Bean. I pottered around tidying the garden while she was enthralled with her sand and water play table. A warm bath followed and a picnic in the lounge room made for an idyllic morning.

I was enjoying the very sweet sight of The Bean lying on the couch cuddling one of the cats when she suddenly sat up and tumbled backwards, striking her head on the coffee table with a gut-wrenching crack. I was less than half a metre away but I wasn’t quick enough to catch her. I snatched her up to discover what seemed to be a huge amount of blood pouring from her scalp, drenching her within seconds. We raced out the door to the neighbour’s house for help and while I shook with fear and held her, she was swiftly cleaned up and assessed. She was just fine.

The Bean was fine even before we reached the neighbour's house. She was mildly annoyed while we were cleaning the blood out of her hair. She was extremely irritated when I was trying to examine her while on the phone to a nurse. She threw a tantrum when we had to stop playing with the neighbour’s children to make our way home. 

I on the other hand was definitely not fine. Anyone who has experienced anxiety or panic attacks knows how easy it can be for things to be blown out of proportion—for small things to be catastrophised. Granted, it was my first experience as a parent watching my child sustain any injury, let alone a blood-soaked one, but it was more than first-time jitters for me. From the moment I saw her falling in slow motion, I was imagining her in hospital surrounded by tubes and equipment. The second I heard her head make contact with the table I was picturing skull fractures. When I comforted her in my arms I wondered if it was going to be for the last time.

None of these catastrophes eventuated of course, but these frightening thoughts were invasive and persistent. Even hours later when I was certain there was no concussion, I was still feeling bursts of adrenaline and trying to rein in my own imagination.

Perhaps this is how it is for every parent, not just the anxious ones? I don’t have any frame of reference, so I’ll just put this down to experience and hope that next time (because there will be a next time) I can try to keep the panic at bay.