Decisions, decisions...

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” Elizabeth Stone

I recently read an article about how a baby’s cells transfer to mum during pregnancy, and how they can remain in mums body forever. How a baby literally becomes a part of her. How amazing is that?

There was a time where I couldn’t imagine how a baby would ever fit into our life, but true to the old cliché, from the moment The Bean was born I have struggled to imagine a life without her. Now that we are trying for number two, I have found myself wondering how we will fit another baby into our lives (and our little home). This time around I am approaching the idea of falling pregnant with a lot more excitement and a little less anxiety.*

I loved my daughter in a surreal kind of way from the moment I discovered I was pregnant, but I admit I didn’t feel that ‘enormous rush of love’ that one is supposed to feel once they hold their newborn for the first time. Of course I loved her from that moment, but the deep love I feel for her now is something that has grown over time. My feelings come from bonding with her, learning with her, and watching in awe as her beautiful personality emerges. Even on our ‘bad’ days, my love for her just grows and grows.

I am certain that my baby girl has woven some kind of magic spell around me that makes me remember only the highlights of the pregnancy and birth. The joy that she brings me every day through the simplest of actions has made me start to imagine that my heart may actually have an endless capacity for love. Yesterday I thought I couldn't possibly love her any more, yet today I do.

My dad said at my wedding that “Love is a decision, and it is a conscious decision.” My husband and I have made a conscious decision to open ourselves up to love again, and hopefully we will have a new family member to shower love upon in the next year or so. Wish us happy baby-making!

*One day I will look back on this post and wonder what on earth I was thinking when I said I was excited about having a toddler and a newborn. Just for the record—I acknowledge that I have no idea what I am in for.